After my recent post about safety with blood feeding, I had the opportunity to answer some questions from one of our readers. I found this conversation valuable, and so have decided to share it below (with permission). It is a long one, but I think it’s worth it.
“When we go in two directions, when we don’t trust our own nature, we don’t go anywhere at all. If we can learn to trust our own nature, we will, I think, be profoundly surprised that things don’t go out of control at all; but on the contrary, suddenly come back into control.” – Alan W. Watts
I’ve seen many blood drinkers talk about the ‘two selves’. A common theme seems to be duality. It’s a prominent theme in my life, as well. In younger sanguivores, it can be especially difficult to come to terms with the more predatory aspects of one’s nature. This can lead to depression, anxiety, guilt. In worse cases, I’ve even known of some sanguivores to self-harm because of being so addled with guilt.
Rebuttal of information as presented on the vampirewebsite.net front page
Why:
I elected to take on this research as I find the propagation of false information spread under the guise of “scientific research” harmful to those who are actually trying to accomplish true scientific research. The information is presented on vampirewebsite.net as fact alone with minimal actual data and studies to support the information presented there-in. Because of this, I have taken on to examine the front page of “vampirewebsite.net” and point out the errors in the scientific thinking and add additional studies and data to support my assertions.
If we elect to start at the beginning, it should be a brief history of the website itself. Formed in 2008 by Steve Leighton, it originally espoused the V5 viral theory (K-17 also mentioned) but it was changed in 2009 to add the endogenous retrovirus hypotheses. However, those virii were found to be a product of fiction (Ultraviolet TV series for V5 and “Reign of Darkness” for K-17) and eventually reference was removed in 2010 when “vHERV” was substituted for “V5” without any other change to the text. I believe this led to further errors in the hypothesis put forth. These errors will be addressed later. In 2012, a page on superinfection was added with a link to a Harvard article describing the theory of superinfection. However, this article does not apply as presented and will be discussed later. The Harvard link was removed in 2015 and replaced with a Google link for searching “superinfection”.
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[This is strictly from my perspective. It does not intend to speak for all who may identify with any of these terms.]
Terminology is a necessary staple for me when describing one’s experiences, especially when they differ from a significant demographic. I’ve identified as many things over the years. First, of course, I identified as a vampire. I needed to drink blood. I mean, who wouldn’t? Over time, I learned of the word ‘sanguinarian’. At the time, it seemed to make the most sense in the absence of anything else. People who needed to drink blood. Yep. That was me.
[Guest re-post with permission from Giselle DeCavalier. Post is from 2015.]
In sharing this, I hope to shed some light from this Donor’s experiences and feelings for the benefit of others. I am a Sang Donor. I have to come to think of donating as “the Act.” There are no adequate words to describe how the Act feels. I know that if I do not participate in the Act every so often, I suffer for it. I don’t want to be turned and I’m not out for popularity. I know I am a Donor as surely as a Vampire knows that they have a need. My need is to give.
I must be clear on this point: I do NOT participate in the Act because I am crazy, depressed, or a cutter. I do NOT exchange money, sexual favors or anything else for that matter. It’s not dinner and a movie, it’s not a date. I sincerely want to help, and I need the exchange as well. I don’t expect to be treated like royalty, or to be asked to treat anyone else like it either. That being said, it cannot be ignored that there is a relationship that forms of a sort. At the very least, I think it’s kind of silly to try and give to someone I can’t at least call friend. It should be nearly impossible to stay impersonal with someone who has shared themselves with you so intimately. Now there are bad donors just like there are bad vampires. Just try your best to communicate what you expect. Then you and the donor are on the same page.
What makes me crazy? When I offer to a vampire and they spend all their time searching for an ulterior motive. It can be hurtful when a vamp treats the exchange as though nothing else about me is worth associating with excepting my blood. I do NOT have to be crazy to do what I do, and please keep in mind vamps, there is a bond that develops, like it or not. If you start taking from a Donor, you have to recognize that that bond is going to exist. It’s absolutely imperative that you talk with your Donor about boundaries and STAY HONEST.
There is nothing in the world like feeding one of you only to be thrown away like a piece of trash. Those wounds take a long, long time to heal. Take care with those that give to you, we may not be fragile, but our feelings can be bruised as quickly as anyone else’s.
What do I get out of donating? A relief of my burden, an opportunity to talk with someone whom I can befriend, who understands my need to donate; and a chance to help someone who I know is truly in need. The Act cannot be treated like a one night stand. For me to allow the kind of bond that exists after a donation, I have to at least know that I will hear from the person I gave to again, that they will take me as I am and expect nothing that wasn’t discussed.
I make sure to let any vamp I donate to know that I am an empath. This means that a certain amount of “drama” should be tolerated by them; they, of course, are free to choose not to feed from me if they can’t handle that. My emotions are not always mine, and I do not always deal with the backlash of that as well as I would like. That’s what makes it so easy for me to be understanding when a vamp comes to me hungry and moody. I can completely understand being a little out of control of one’s self.
Of course I strive to get a better grip, it’s no fun for me to bawl my eyes out when I’m deliriously happy. That “this is too good to be true suspicion vibe” that I get from many vamps on their first feeding is hard to shake off too. Being empathic, as many of you know, gives someone an awful lot to deal with.
It can be very rewarding to give, I do not want to discourage anyone who feels the need to give from doing so, but I do want to issue a caution. For Donors, be VERY clear on what you expect to your vamps. Vamps be VERY clear to your Donors as to what YOU expect. Honestly can save alot of hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and sometimes prevent some pretty dangerous situations. Be smart, care for one another, and most of all, look out for yourself. Don’t get into a relationship with a Donor just because you are hungry and you think it’s the only way they will feed you; or the other way around either.
I’ve made mistakes with this in the past and have suffered for it. It’s my hope that by sharing my experience, I can save someone else the pain I went through.
I will add this word of encouragement, donors. As the time goes by, it gets easier to “contain” the emotions from donating. It comes with maturity and practicing shielding. As always, I am around to lend an ear.
Catchy title, right? If you’re anything like me, you’ll have read the two words and perhaps winced a little. It sounds like a teenage vampire fan’s edgy lip gloss. Not that there’s anything wrong with loving the crap outta vampire fiction. I support everyone to be authentically themselves and follow their passions.
It isn’t just the words that many sanguivores inherently wince at. I’ve noticed over many years that if there’s a brief hint of sexuality involved in blood drinking, there is an immediate and fierce resistance in most cases.
When I decided to write again, I was at first going to write a long-winded post reflecting on the past year, but I’ve decided to jump right back into writing. I’ll likely be addressing several of those topics in future blog posts.
None of us have an infinite well from which to pour. In some communities, it’s well-known that people regularly experience ‘burnout’. In discussions, people often attribute that fact to several factors. Negativity, a hostile environment, etc.
[Editor’s note – This was a piece I wrote several months back while trying to come to terms with many elements of my involvement with TRC, and anything related to sanguivory/vampirism as a whole. It has been published privately to admins and editors for that time, but the New Year seems like the apt time to release my thoughts publicly. Please note that this was not attempting to categorize sanguivores, but rather personal realization that I may have misrepresented myself.]
For some time, I have been in a period of quiet reflection and contemplation. Sometimes, it can take stepping back and pausing to be able to reflect on what has transpired prior, lest one get swept away in the tide.
I’ve been conducting a series of informal talks over the last several months (both online and offline), regarding The Red Cellar, what has come to be known as ‘med sangs’ and my past work. Additionally, as time goes on, the more we learn about ourselves. I believe it important to learn, and to grow.
Please be advised that the views and opinions presented within these journal entries are the sole responsibility of their individual authors and may not reflect the stances of The Red Cellar as a collective.
Nobody knows why some people need blood. Why they need to consume it regularly or suffer serious physical and mental ill effects. It doesn’t make sense. Yet, we’ve experienced it again, and again, no matter how hard we try to ignore it. This thing is there, it’s real, and it’s affecting our lives significantly.Read More »
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