Tag: Blood feeding

Growing Up As A Med Sang

Alexia2 Comments

Trigger Warning: This piece contains themes such as self-harm and suicide.

I recently wrote about the lessons I would teach myself as a young sanguivore. After writing that, I wanted to delve a little into what I experienced growing up and sharing my personal story. I felt this would be better served as its own article.

I came across the Vampire Community when I was young. The years all seem to blend together, but I believe I was around 12-13 at the time. I first started to experience blood-thirst around the age of 12. It was around the time of a pretty traumatic event in my life where I was being stalked and harassed by an older man who made me genuinely fear for my life and look over my shoulder at all times. This situation eventually resolved itself, and to this day, I have no idea if it was some sort of ‘trigger’. What followed was far more long-lasting and terrifying for me.

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When Sanguinarianism Is A Chore

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So, this is going to differ a little from the usual angle of sanguinarian self-empowerment because I think it’s important to be real about our struggles and share relatable experiences.

We need to ‘feed’. We owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to be the best we can be. It doesn’t impact only us in isolation if we do not. That said, it can be draining and exhausting to keep up with. This is especially the case with heavy feeders because it requires that much more upkeep.

When someone is new to sanguinarianism, particularly if it began in adulthood, some can adopt the ‘uber predator’ mindset and find ‘the hunt’ exhilarating. This isn’t a problem at all, but it can be when those individuals condescend or look down on those who’ve been dealing with this for a very long time and have grown weary of it.

To me, this isn’t new and shiny. I’ve been dealing with it for my entire teenage and adult life. Being a sanguivore to me is an identity only insofar as it has shaped my life as I’ve grown, and with the perspective and experience it has given me. I don’t invest much thought or time into it; only my work with TRC and my passion for providing support and content for sangs. My life priorities are quite different than the sanguinarian community or an identity as a sanguivore.

When it’s for the purpose of maintaining health and you’ve had to do it for decades, collecting blood can become quite a chore. When you need to collect a lot of vials or need multiple donors, this can be even more so. Like a vitamin or medicine that you must go through hassle to get every time. Some can get by on animal blood, but those like me who are allergic to it cannot. That’s not to say blood can’t be exciting, passionate or intimate; but that does depend on circumstances and context, and is not the reason why blood is ingested for the vast majority of the time. It is for health maintenance.

I grow tired of the hunger. This thing can be exhausting. Yet I know this too shall pass. There is no point dwelling on an inevitable part of my condition. I don’t even know if I’d change it if I could because it’s shaped me in so many fundamental ways. It’s introduced me to some wonderful people.

A lot of people turn to me for advice on dealing with being a sang, and honestly it’s so much easier to deal with when you have experience and you’ve gotten used to it. However, I have days where I get fed up with it too. There’s nothing wrong with having moments when you just feel exhausted by it and we all have them now and then. This isn’t always an easy path to walk, and by sharing some of my experiences, I hope you realise you’re not alone when you have frustrations. As always, TRC is here to provide the community and support you need in both your dark moments and the good times.

– A

Donors: A piece by Giselle DeCavalier

Alexia1 Comment

[Guest re-post with permission from Giselle DeCavalier. Post is from 2015.]

In sharing this, I hope to shed some light from this Donor’s experiences and feelings for the benefit of others. I am a Sang Donor. I have to come to think of donating as “the Act.” There are no adequate words to describe how the Act feels. I know that if I do not participate in the Act every so often, I suffer for it. I don’t want to be turned and I’m not out for popularity. I know I am a Donor as surely as a Vampire knows that they have a need. My need is to give.

I must be clear on this point: I do NOT participate in the Act because I am crazy, depressed, or a cutter. I do NOT exchange money, sexual favors or anything else for that matter. It’s not dinner and a movie, it’s not a date. I sincerely want to help, and I need the exchange as well. I don’t expect to be treated like royalty, or to be asked to treat anyone else like it either. That being said, it cannot be ignored that there is a relationship that forms of a sort. At the very least, I think it’s kind of silly to try and give to someone I can’t at least call friend. It should be nearly impossible to stay impersonal with someone who has shared themselves with you so intimately. Now there are bad donors just like there are bad vampires. Just try your best to communicate what you expect. Then you and the donor are on the same page.

What makes me crazy? When I offer to a vampire and they spend all their time searching for an ulterior motive. It can be hurtful when a vamp treats the exchange as though nothing else about me is worth associating with excepting my blood. I do NOT have to be crazy to do what I do, and please keep in mind vamps, there is a bond that develops, like it or not. If you start taking from a Donor, you have to recognize that that bond is going to exist. It’s absolutely imperative that you talk with your Donor about boundaries and STAY HONEST.

There is nothing in the world like feeding one of you only to be thrown away like a piece of trash. Those wounds take a long, long time to heal. Take care with those that give to you, we may not be fragile, but our feelings can be bruised as quickly as anyone else’s.

What do I get out of donating? A relief of my burden, an opportunity to talk with someone whom I can befriend, who understands my need to donate; and a chance to help someone who I know is truly in need. The Act cannot be treated like a one night stand. For me to allow the kind of bond that exists after a donation, I have to at least know that I will hear from the person I gave to again, that they will take me as I am and expect nothing that wasn’t discussed.

I make sure to let any vamp I donate to know that I am an empath. This means that a certain amount of “drama” should be tolerated by them; they, of course, are free to choose not to feed from me if they can’t handle that. My emotions are not always mine, and I do not always deal with the backlash of that as well as I would like. That’s what makes it so easy for me to be understanding when a vamp comes to me hungry and moody. I can completely understand being a little out of control of one’s self.

Of course I strive to get a better grip, it’s no fun for me to bawl my eyes out when I’m deliriously happy. That “this is too good to be true suspicion vibe” that I get from many vamps on their first feeding is hard to shake off too. Being empathic, as many of you know, gives someone an awful lot to deal with.

It can be very rewarding to give, I do not want to discourage anyone who feels the need to give from doing so, but I do want to issue a caution. For Donors, be VERY clear on what you expect to your vamps. Vamps be VERY clear to your Donors as to what YOU expect. Honestly can save alot of hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and sometimes prevent some pretty dangerous situations. Be smart, care for one another, and most of all, look out for yourself. Don’t get into a relationship with a Donor just because you are hungry and you think it’s the only way they will feed you; or the other way around either.

I’ve made mistakes with this in the past and have suffered for it. It’s my hope that by sharing my experience, I can save someone else the pain I went through.

I will add this word of encouragement, donors. As the time goes by, it gets easier to “contain” the emotions from donating. It comes with maturity and practicing shielding. As always, I am around to lend an ear.