[Guest post by ‘Z’]
Sangs write about what it is like for them so I thought I would do something similar from my perspective. I have a main sang, but I do also donate to others. With my partner, my primary means of donating involves razor blades and direct feeding, and with others it will be with needles.
Every time I do either, I know the risks and even though they are low and I do as much as I can to lessen the risks, it’s still there, I am quite fortunate to of not experienced any of the worse potential side effects; but it doesn’t change the fact that I have hundreds of scars from donating. It might not seem like a big deal, but it really does add up… Using needles is much better because it means you don’t have as many scars, but it comes with more risks and sometimes with me it’s not even worth the reward, which is both extremely frustrating for all involved and drives me to take even more risks because of that. Which I know I shouldn’t, but it’s hard not to when you know people are relying on you.
After donating you’re left with your cuts and marks, which can make things kind of awkward as you have to hide them from pretty much everyone else, which isn’t always easy. It kind of makes you paranoid and feel pretty shitty at the same time, you feel bad because you are hiding things and lying to people who wouldn’t understand and paranoid because you don’t what what would happen if they found out.
Being a donor isn’t just about donating though, not many would really see it, but for me, what I do and what happens to me directly effects someone else and that is a big deal – if I am unwell, need to take medications, accidentally injure myself or have trouble sleeping for a while, it pretty much puts a halt on me being able to donate. There wouldn’t really be much point as not only would it make me feel worse, but it wouldn’t be as helpful. So, I do my best to look after myself, but a lot of things are totally outside of my control.
Overall, being a donor is pretty shitty, but knowing that you can at least help other people you care about feel better does go a long way to making it worth it.