Donors: A piece by Giselle DeCavalier

[Guest re-post with permission from Giselle DeCavalier. Post is from 2015.]

In sharing this, I hope to shed some light from this Donor’s experiences and feelings for the benefit of others. I am a Sang Donor. I have to come to think of donating as “the Act.” There are no adequate words to describe how the Act feels. I know that if I do not participate in the Act every so often, I suffer for it. I don’t want to be turned and I’m not out for popularity. I know I am a Donor as surely as a Vampire knows that they have a need. My need is to give.

I must be clear on this point: I do NOT participate in the Act because I am crazy, depressed, or a cutter. I do NOT exchange money, sexual favors or anything else for that matter. It’s not dinner and a movie, it’s not a date. I sincerely want to help, and I need the exchange as well. I don’t expect to be treated like royalty, or to be asked to treat anyone else like it either. That being said, it cannot be ignored that there is a relationship that forms of a sort. At the very least, I think it’s kind of silly to try and give to someone I can’t at least call friend. It should be nearly impossible to stay impersonal with someone who has shared themselves with you so intimately. Now there are bad donors just like there are bad vampires. Just try your best to communicate what you expect. Then you and the donor are on the same page.

What makes me crazy? When I offer to a vampire and they spend all their time searching for an ulterior motive. It can be hurtful when a vamp treats the exchange as though nothing else about me is worth associating with excepting my blood. I do NOT have to be crazy to do what I do, and please keep in mind vamps, there is a bond that develops, like it or not. If you start taking from a Donor, you have to recognize that that bond is going to exist. It’s absolutely imperative that you talk with your Donor about boundaries and STAY HONEST.

There is nothing in the world like feeding one of you only to be thrown away like a piece of trash. Those wounds take a long, long time to heal. Take care with those that give to you, we may not be fragile, but our feelings can be bruised as quickly as anyone else’s.

What do I get out of donating? A relief of my burden, an opportunity to talk with someone whom I can befriend, who understands my need to donate; and a chance to help someone who I know is truly in need. The Act cannot be treated like a one night stand. For me to allow the kind of bond that exists after a donation, I have to at least know that I will hear from the person I gave to again, that they will take me as I am and expect nothing that wasn’t discussed.

I make sure to let any vamp I donate to know that I am an empath. This means that a certain amount of “drama” should be tolerated by them; they, of course, are free to choose not to feed from me if they can’t handle that. My emotions are not always mine, and I do not always deal with the backlash of that as well as I would like. That’s what makes it so easy for me to be understanding when a vamp comes to me hungry and moody. I can completely understand being a little out of control of one’s self.

Of course I strive to get a better grip, it’s no fun for me to bawl my eyes out when I’m deliriously happy. That “this is too good to be true suspicion vibe” that I get from many vamps on their first feeding is hard to shake off too. Being empathic, as many of you know, gives someone an awful lot to deal with.

It can be very rewarding to give, I do not want to discourage anyone who feels the need to give from doing so, but I do want to issue a caution. For Donors, be VERY clear on what you expect to your vamps. Vamps be VERY clear to your Donors as to what YOU expect. Honestly can save alot of hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and sometimes prevent some pretty dangerous situations. Be smart, care for one another, and most of all, look out for yourself. Don’t get into a relationship with a Donor just because you are hungry and you think it’s the only way they will feed you; or the other way around either.

I’ve made mistakes with this in the past and have suffered for it. It’s my hope that by sharing my experience, I can save someone else the pain I went through.

I will add this word of encouragement, donors. As the time goes by, it gets easier to “contain” the emotions from donating. It comes with maturity and practicing shielding. As always, I am around to lend an ear.

Donors: Enter Your Sanctuary

I am pleased to announce that The Red Cellar now has a donor-specific safe place; the Donor Sanctuary. Very little content or focus is given to donors, yet they sustain others and are crucial to someone else’s health and well-being. Donors have stories too, and the need for support in this very human experience. Donor content will also be part of my blog on this site. The group is also for friends and family of sanguivores.

To join, please click here.

Crimson Kiss: Sanguivores, Blood, and Sex

Catchy title, right? If you’re anything like me, you’ll have read the two words and perhaps winced a little. It sounds like a teenage vampire fan’s edgy lip gloss. Not that there’s anything wrong with loving the crap outta vampire fiction. I support everyone to be authentically themselves and follow their passions.

It isn’t just the words that many sanguivores inherently wince at. I’ve noticed over many years that if there’s a brief hint of sexuality involved in blood drinking, there is an immediate and fierce resistance in most cases.

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Compassion fatigue, burnout, and self-care

When I decided to write again, I was at first going to write a long-winded post reflecting on the past year, but I’ve decided to jump right back into writing. I’ll likely be addressing several of those topics in future blog posts.

None of us have an infinite well from which to pour. In some communities, it’s well-known that people regularly experience ‘burnout’. In discussions, people often attribute that fact to several factors. Negativity, a hostile environment, etc.

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Ex Meis Cineribus Renascor – Sanguivores, Med Sangs & Vampires

[Editor’s note – This was a piece I wrote several months back while trying to come to terms with many elements of my involvement with TRC, and anything related to sanguivory/vampirism as a whole. It has been published privately to admins and editors for that time, but the New Year seems like the apt time to release my thoughts publicly. Please note that this was not attempting to categorize sanguivores, but rather personal realization that I may have misrepresented myself.]

For some time, I have been in a period of quiet reflection and contemplation. Sometimes, it can take stepping back and pausing to be able to reflect on what has transpired prior, lest one get swept away in the tide.

I’ve been conducting a series of informal talks over the last several months (both online and offline), regarding The Red Cellar, what has come to be known as ‘med sangs’ and my past work. Additionally, as time goes on, the more we learn about ourselves. I believe it important to learn, and to grow.

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Syrf Chase: A Tribute

Syrf Chase, a good friend of mine and writer for this site, passed away at the end of May. This may not be news to some at this point. It has taken me a while to be able to write about the incident to where I feel I can try and do her justice. The grief took its toll on me. The loss broke my heart, though it was not without purpose.

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The Red Cellar – An Introduction

I would like to introduce and welcome everyone to The Red Cellar. The Red Cellar is a sister site to Sanguinarians.com. The Red Cellar’s focus will be practical advice for sanguinarians. The topics can range from the technical aspects of blood collection, social dynamics with donors, and strategy for engagement with members of the medical community among other things. This site will allow for more creative freedom in writing, whereas our sister site has sharpened its focus on the latest in medical speculation. You can still find the latest in medical speculation and personal reports with the scientific community at http://www.sanguinarians.com.

A place for those who enjoy a nice, dark place for a vintage red.